Gods Of Egypt - movie review

Gods Of Egypt

Plot: Mortal hero Bek teams with the god Horus in an alliance against Set, the merciless god of darkness, who has usurped Egypt's throne, plunging the once peaceful and prosperous empire into chaos and conflict.
Cast: Brenton Thwaites, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Gerard Butler
Director: Alex Proyas
Rating: 12A (moderate fantasy violence)
Runtime: 2hrs 6 mins
Release Date: Friday 17th June 2016

Am I being pranked? Was this all a wind up? Those were the questions that crossed my mind at the end of Gods Of Egypt. I was convinced that I hadn't been shown the actual film and that a camera crew were going to jump out and surprise me and then genuinely show me the correct film. Alas, that was not the case. It turns out Gods Of Egypt is just bad. Very bad. But it seems that the director's comments have garnered more controversy than the quality of his film.


More on Proyas later because the actors need a grilling first. I'll say this before I get into my negatives, I did not take this film seriously. I'm not sure if the audience were meant to but I sat there thinking this was going to be popcorn entertainment and it turned out to be hilarious for all the wrong reasons. I also think that no matter how much I critique these actors, none of them give career-ruining performances (mostly because some of them haven't had that much of a successful career). As far as the leading actor, the film is such a blur and mess that I was confused who our lead was. I suppose you could say it was Bek (Thwaites) the mortal, thrust into a battle between gods. This was where the audience could become fully engaged as we could see someone like us face extraordinary stakes. Obviously Proyas, the writers and Thwaites (who is also Australian) didn't get the message because Bek was an awfully written and atrociously acted character. He comes across as an attempt at Aladdin but without the charm. Thwaites gives a limp and dull performance. I've seen more life in a corpse than him in this movie. Bek eventually turns up with Horus, an Egyptian God played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Danish) from Game of Thrones fame. His appearance here reveals to me that, for now, stick to TV. It isn't an awful performance from him but it never seems like he's trying. Every line that Nikolaj delivers feels half-hearted almost as if he's taking the brunt of the vile script.  I feel sorry for him but he decided to star in the film. In fact, and this goes for all actors, most of the time it seems like they are reading their lines for the very first time and they never seem too sure of what they're saying. The whole thing just looks and seems incredibly unprofessional. A prime example of this problem was Elodie Yung (French) who, straight off her successful depiction of Elektra in the Netflix series of Daredevil, needs something to cash the cheques so she was saddled into this lousy shambles. Yung spends her time whining and moaning her way through the film and only really acts as an object of lust for the two main gods. As someone who has shown her commanding presence, Yung plays it so unbelievably safe. 

And then we have Chadwick Boseman (American). Yes, Elektra wasn't the only Marvel character to get dragged into this as Black Panther now faces the wrath of Alex Proyas. Boseman clearly wanted to be elsewhere for this entire film. The pain and anguish is evident on his face and it shows in his acting. He's more wooden than a bloody forest. His character is ridiculously annoying to the point of headaches. I mean, we spend two minutes with him discussing the multiple meanings of a lettuce leaf. Why? Good question. Ask the director. He'll probably fire back with rant about it. The only actor that seemed to really give an attempt at acting, albeit if it consisted of shouting and growling was Gerard Butler (Scottish) as Set. Whilst the character of Set was abysmal, Butler did what he could. It's like being asked to paint the Mona Lisa and you're given crayons to work with. The final actor to mention is Geoffrey Rush (Australian) as the sun god, Ra. Now, Rush's performance isn't that good nor is it bad. It's just meh. But I have no clue what they did to Ra. I'm not expert on Egyptian mythology but I'm pretty sure that Ra never flew in space on a hovership fighting a space lizard every night. If I'm wrong, correct me in the comments but it seems ludicrous to be included. Now, if you've been noticing a trend about the actor's nationalities, it's that none of them are Egyptian. Was it really that hard to cast on Egyptian actor in a role?

I won't beat around the bush; this has got to be one of the worst scripts that I have seen in some time. Even though the film isn't complete trash, the dialogue and story is down there with some of the most inferior scripts ever produced and trust me, I have seen some shit! All of the interactions between characters feel awkward and fake and just forget about forming any emotional connection with characters. Avoiding spoilers, I physically laughed out loud when a character died because it was so sloppily handled. Call me morbid or sadistic but watching one of those characters die was hysterical. The actual plot itself is so cookie-cutter, it could have been produced by Mr. Kipling. Nothing and I mean nothing is original here. It's like Game of Thrones, The Mummy, Hercules, Exodus: Gods and Kings and The Lion King all got thrown into a blender and this was the result, but in the worst way possible. The film's a mess. That's a given but that isn't what annoyed me most about Gods Of Egypt. Removing my thoughts away from the movie, my disappointment lies with Alex Proyas as a director. I've enjoyed some of his previous works, most notably I, Robot but since then, it's all gone downhill. It was then, soon after the US release of Gods of Egypt, that Proyas decided to post a rant against film critics complaining how they didn't like his film. The likelihood will be that Proyas will never read this at all, but on the off chance that he does, here's what I have to say. I may only have a small blog in which I review movies but that still makes me a critic. When someone talks positively or negatively about something, that makes them a critic. When you, a fully established director, makes a film, you know that there are people that will judge it and critique it if need be. So, what is the point of whining about our response when that is what we always do? Does he expect us to lie just so we can feed his already inflated ego. You think I'm kidding? On the trailers, he classes himself as a visionary director. He may have had the best of intentions when making Gods of Egypt and I understand that it can never go perfect, but a true director would sit back and understand that things didn't go well rather than bitch about it. Everyone has their moment of failure, but Proyas should accept it rather than blame everyone else for it. He refers to critics and to people who didn't like his film as 'deranged idiots' and that we follow the herd rather than make up our own minds. Here's my thoughts Mr. Proyas; your film was a colossal waste of my time. And breathe...

Moving away from Proyas being an egotistical maniac, Gods of Egypt is brilliant for the wrong reasons. It's unintentionally funny and just really painful for the rest of the time. The film seems to have an unhealthy obsession, bordering on addiction to CGI and none of the actors seem interested in the slightest. The only reason as to why this isn't getting such a low score is due to it being so funny but that still isn't a positive.

My Verdict: 3/10

What did you think of Gods Of Egypt? What film is so bad that you can't help but laugh at it? Post your comments below.

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