Zoolander 2 - movie review

Zoolander 2

Plot: Derek and Hansel are lured into modeling again, in Rome, where they find themselves the target of a sinister conspiracy.
Cast: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Penélope Cruz
Director: Ben Stiller
Rating: 12A
Runtime: 1hr 42 mins
Release Date: Friday 12th February 2016

Back in 2001, the phenomenon that is Zoolander was released. It may have not achieved big box office numbers, but soon after its release, it was regarded as a cult classic. People adore and love the original. I however, do not care for the first one. I completely understand why some would consider the first installment to be close to a masterpiece but I just spent my time watching Zoolander hating it. I couldn't relate to any of the characters and not a single laugh escaped from my mouth. So of course, upon hearing of a sequel in production, I just didn't care. And I'm glad that I didn't care because this unnecessary sequel is awful. Simply unforgivably awful.

Returning from the original, we have Ben Stiller as the stupid Derek Zoolander who has forced himself into exile after a recent tragedy. I never sympathised with Zoolander in the first film and I sure as heck do not like him now. I get that Stiller is trying to parody fashion models but he executes in such a way, it never came across as funny or genuine. It was as if he was simply faking it all at times which seems rude to hardcore fans of the franchise. His blue steel may still be on point but nothing about his character had developed from the initial 2001 release. Joining Derek on his adventure, Owen Wilson reprises his role as spiritual model Hansel. I never hated his character but it just did nothing for me. He never made me laugh  and it was a true waste of Wilson's talent. Along their journey, they encounter an Interpol agent played by Penélope Cruz. Again, she was fine and she doesn't grate on my like other characters but the writers overly exemplified her sexiness. We get it. Penélope Cruz is very sexy but we don't need that fact shoved down our throat every second she's on screen. It is by no means a major complaint that I have with this film but it was an aspect that got on my nerves after a while. It was interesting for the first few times they mention it but after the 301st reference to it, the whole thing became a tired and worn-out formula. From the publicity and advertising of this film, the fact that they had hired Kristen Wiig had my hopes raised slightly. She is often hilarious in her roles but she is catastrophically underutilised here and it is a awful misuse of her abilities. Wiig uses an accent in the film that may be funny to some but just because she mispronounces 'faces' to say 'faeces' that doesn't make clever comedy. It never provides a satirical outlook of fashion which is what this trainwreck of a film is trying to accomplish. The one bright spot of this entire movie was the inclusion of Will Ferrell. I may have not liked the first film of the franchise but Ferrell was the best part of it. He is in this instance again, but he's hardly in it. Mugata is heavily advertised as being the main protagonist of the piece but he only appears in the last twenty minutes of the film. And in those final moments, that is where my only laugh came from. I only laughed ONCE in this film. And what's even worse, is that the same joke is spoiled in the trailer. So, in actual fact, of all the new jokes that the film attempted to make work, it was the one that I had already seen that made me chuckle. If that doesn't express my loathing for this film, I'm not sure what will.

I was never entirely sure what the main plot of this movie was because minor stories seemed to take precedence at odd times whilst the main plot seemed lost and forgotten in the background. Was the main focus of the story about Zoolander and Hansel stopping Mugata from taking over the fashion world? If so, isn't that just the same plot as before? Is it Derek attempting to reconnect with his long lost son? If so, make that clear and not hide that storyline away? The movie always gets bogged down with confusing plot developments and humour that unequivocally fails. Apart from that once instance aforementioned, my time spent watching this failure of a film was dull and uneventful. Watching films for me is meant to be an enjoyable hobby but there are times when it feels like a chore. To put Zoolander 2 into context, this was like a chore that just keeps going and you can never complete. Because of this, I'm not so sure that Ben Stiller can be considered as an accomplished director. Apart from Tropic Thunder, his other movies just haven't had any impact on me.

But by far, the most infuriating and diabolical aspect of Zoolander 2 are the celebrity cameos. A great example of when famous cameos are utilised effectively include Zombieland. In Zoolander however, all of them feel forced and unnecessary with hardly any of them serving any purpose to the story. Most of the inclusions feel like Ben Stiller waving at the audience shouting 'Look how many famous friends I have'. To highlight just how ridiculous some of the cameos were, I'm going to list the major appearances. It may include some spoilers but I need to mention them to express my point. The celebrity cameos include:
- Justin Bieber who is murdered in the opening.
- Billy Zane who plays a philosophical version of himself.
- Kiefer Sutherland who plays Owen Wilson's baby mama.
- Susan Boyle who has a violent hatred towards the paparazzi.
- Benedict Cumberbatch as a transvestite.
- Joe Jonas and Lewis Hamilton as fashion show attendees.
- Naomi Campbell who milks Derek Zoolander dressed as a cow.
- Ariana Grande as a bondage sex slave.
- Katy Perry singing from a balcony. Why? I have no idea.
- Neil deGrasse Tyson explaining science to Zoolander.
- Sting as a priest.
- M.C. Hammer and John Malkovich as fashion criminals.
- Demi Lovato who sacrificed herself for Zoolander.
All of these are featured and about two of them actually have a legitimate purpose.

As you can tell, this sequel has not won me over to the franchise. The film is vacant of any humour albeit with one effective joke. It rehashes the same plot points from the original and contains no development like a sequel should. Perhaps, after fifteen years of waiting, it should have stayed forgotten.

My Verdict: 2/10

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