Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip - movie review

Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip

Plot: Through a series of misunderstandings, Alvin, Simon and Theodore come to believe that Dave is going to propose to his new girlfriend in Miami...and dump them. They have three days to get to him and stop the proposal, saving themselves not only from losing Dave but possibly from gaining a terrible stepbrother.

Cast: Jason Lee, Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler

Director: Walt Becker

Rating: U

Runtime: 1hr 32 mins

Release Date: Friday 12th February 2016

4 films. They have made four of these features based on talking and singing Chipmunks and their reputation so far, has not been the most joyous. But can this new entry be the best of the bunch? I honestly think it is and it's because of the new and improved animation, fresh and fun humour and an invigorating family friendly story. Who am I kidding? This movie sucked! If you're this reading thinking that after three failed attempts, they have finally nailed the formula, you are sorely mistaken. Alvin and his rodent friends now star in one of the worst films that I have seen in some time.

I used to respect Jason Lee. He voiced Syndrome in The Incredibles which is arguably Pixar's greatest film. He also starred in the long forgotten Almost Famous as the leader singer of fictional rock band, Stillwater. And now he is reduced to this. It's clear that Lee appears in these garbage piles for him to pick up his check and leave. He gets off lightly here with only a small amount of screentime. But there was never a moment when I thought 'Gosh, this film really is lacking Jason Lee'. Instead I was thinking 'What have I ever done to deserve this?'. Even David Cross denied coming back to this horrendous franchise and replacing him in this installment is Tony Hale as an Air Steward. Hale attempts to be the hilarious moron of the piece but his performance results in unforgiving hatred and unlikability towards him. The humour and delivery falls flat on its face and watching his cringe-worthy back story is almost as painful as having to endure the Chipmunk's singing. Almost. There is also the introduction of Josh Green as the main rival of the Chipmunks in this film as he could result in being their new brother. Whilst his performance is by no means atrocious, he doesn't add anything to the procession of the film and certainly doesn't elevate any significant moments. Bella Thorne also makes a small supporting appearance and she clearly looks pained to be in this film. It made me wish for her to be back in a Disney Channel series. It honestly was that awful. 

Just when you thought The Rodent Movie (I refuse to refer to its official title) couldn't get any worse just from an acting perspective, we of course are treated to an abomination of a story. The main plot revolves around Alvin, Simon and Theodore who are joined by Miles (Green) to stop Dave (Lee) from proposing to his new girlfriend. The reasons for this are so inexplicably forced and unnecessary, you can just feel the studio behind this atrocity maniacally laughing and waiting for the money to come rolling in. Apart from that main story, we are also presented with the Chipmunks on the run from an Air Steward (Hale) who holds a grudge against the Chipmunks. I have to reveal a slight spoiler because of how awful it truly is but do you really care? His hatred for the Chipmunks is because their music was playing when his girlfriend broke up with him. And that whole sequence isn't the worst part. This rubbish also attempts to please the adults in the audience by trying to include humour in which they can empathise with. Apparently it was included but I must have missed it entirely because not once did I even chuckle nor did I hear any parents do so. That's because the humour they attempted wasn't remotely funny and instead, it revolved around nods and winks to the adults and what films they remember. The problem with this was that the references made had no place within a kids film. The Shining, The Exorcist, The Terminator and John Waters (gore obsessed director) are all credited in this kids film. A kids film!!

But now we get to the pride and glory of this film as I must talk about the three furry little devils. Voiced by Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler and Jesse McCartney, I detest these animals. I feel incredibly sorry for these three actors as they are accomplished in their trade but the likelihood is that they are being forced into this again and again. Does the director blackmail them into it? I could understand if their voices had a personality to them but they all feel so automated and void of any life, you can't connect with them. The animation has also decreased substantially. Of course, there's not much of a way to make singing Chipmunks look realistic but the animators could have at least tried. They look so fake and do not fit with the scenery in the slightest. Upon further research, I discovered that Alvin and his vermin buddies are of the Eastern Chipmunks species. I found out that Eastern Chipmunks have an average lifespan of three years. Their first film debuted in 2007. Perhaps the inevitable fifth film should be entitled 'The End'. And of course, there's the singing. How could I forget that? Their rendition of 'Uptown Funk' sounds like a cat stuck in a blender on full speed. Messy and painful. What really confused me was how Dave mentions that he doesn't want the Chipmunks to sing for a while because they supposedly need to be real 'kids'. Problem No. 1: Alvin and the Chipmunks are known for singing and when you immediately take that away from them, you automatically lose any form of individuality. Problem No. 2: Dave wants them to be real 'kids'. THEY ARE SINGING FREAKING CHIPMUNKS! How can you even think they will grow up properly? Honestly, I'm sure that if you take your children to see this, they'll hate you.

I have no sympathy for this film. It didn't bother in the slightest and the only reason as to why this isn't getting the lowest score possible, is because it is thankfully short. Otherwise, I have nothing further to say about this disgrace. I only hope that these bloody rats are euthanised very soon.

My Verdict: 1.5/10

                             

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