The Mummy - movie review

The Mummy

Plot: An ancient princess is awakened from her crypt beneath the desert, bringing with her malevolence grown over millennia, and terrors that defy human comprehension.
Cast: Tom Cruise, Annabelle Wallis, Sofia Boutella
Director: Alex Kurtzman
Certificate: 15 (sustained threat, horror, brief strong violence)
Runtime: 1hr 50 mins
Release Date: Friday 9th June 2017

Well, it's safe to say that Universal's new "Dark Universe" isn't off to a great start. That's correct. If interconnected superhero universes, a universe building between Kong and Godzilla and a possible rumoured universe connecting Transformers and G.I.Joe weren't enough, Universal have jumped on the bandwagon in an attempt to revitalise their classic monsters and bring them into the modern era. Their first try is rebooting The Mummy. So how do you provide a modern update for The Mummy? Cast Tom Cruise and make it an action movie. Any problems with that? Yes. Many.

Those are some freaky contact lenses.

We might as well just crack on with the negatives because, unfortunately, we have quite a lot to get through. Initially, I wasn't too sure on casting Tom Cruise in what, essentially, didn't scream 'ACTION BLOCKBUSTER' from the title and this franchise's history. Then, as trailers were released and more and more footage was shown, it dawned on me that the casting of Cruise made sense but the angle they were taking this film didn't. The Mummy should always be a suspenseful horror or a cheesy, swashbuckling adventure. This 2017 adaptation is neither. Tom Cruise plays Generic Tom Cruise character #34, sorry, I mean Nick. Nick is a soldier who, whilst on missions in the heart of enemy territory, abandons his main objectives and switches to treasure hunts for ancient antiquities. Fun Game; take a shot everytime someone says the word "antiquities". You will not be walking out sober. Accompanied by Jake Johnson, Nick accidentally discovers an Ancient Egyptian tomb that just so houses the most dangerous of the Ancient Egyptians, Princess Ahmanet (Boutella). Then, because we have to have a forced love story seeing as Cruise seems to inexplicably demand one in every film he's in, Annabelle Wallis shows up as Jenny (please tell me I'm not the only one who got flashbacks to Forrest Gump whenever Cruise screams "Jenny"!). All three of the actors have proven themselves to be very talented. Tom Cruise is, undeniably, one of the biggest stars to walk the Earth and certainly gives everything he can in whatever role he appears in. The same goes for The Mummy. He makes a woefully written character bearable thanks to the Cruise charm. The film and the script want this character to be a wannabe Chris Pratt but thankfully, Tom Cruise keeps a level head and doesn't stray into miscast territory. 

All she wanted was a hug.

Jake Johnson and Annabelle Wallis on the other hand, aren't so lucky. Johnson, who has showcased his comedic talents in films and television shows is wasted in this film. His character is set up to be the bumbling sidekick to Cruise's Nick and in the opening scene between the two, he is an utter nuisance. Then, through a bland series of events, Johnson's character goes away for a while. Unfortunately, the film decides that it hasn't had enough comedy for a while and chucks Johnson back in the fold. And guess what? No surprises if you predicted that he still isn't funny. Wallis is just as bad, if not worse. There is absolutely nothing to her character. She is simply there to provide Cruise with some company and for him to goggle at whenever he gets bored. Not only is this just tragic writing in general but absolutely ridiculous that we have an abysmally written female character share a release period with a film that contains some of the most powerfully written female characters in cinematic history (Wonder Woman). Every time Jenny spoke, I started to fall asleep or wanted knock myself out in order to sleep. Everything about her is coma-inducingly dull and instantly nauseating. All she ever does is provide exposition but even then she's overthrown when Russell Crowe comes into the fray. Her entire involvement is pointless so the movies had one of two choices to make; either get rid of her character completely and by doing that, eliminate a ridiculous romantic subplot or, and here's a shocker, WRITE A FREAKING GOOD CHARACTER!!

Fun Fact: This scene isn't actually scripted. This is just footage of Tom Cruise hanging out in a typical London alleyway.

FACT: The zero gravity scene took sixty-four takes and was shot for two days in a falling plane. Reportedly, a lot of the crew got nauseous during the scene and vomited, except for the main stars, Tom Cruise and Annabelle Wallis, who were really proud of the stunt.

For a film entitled 'The Mummy', the most boring aspect of the film were, unsurprisingly, the human characters. It's very similar to the Transformers saga. The human characters aren't overly interesting but the films do make up for it with badass Transformer action. The Mummy can only redeem itself through one character; The Mummy. Sofia Boutella continues to be the most unexpected star in any film she's in. She blew people away in Kingsman and almost stole the show in Star Trek Beyond. In The Mummy, she is easily the best part and as strange as this may sound, for a dead chick, she's kind of hot. Whenever the film focused its attention onto The Mummy and her evil doings, that's when I came out of my slumber and became marginally interested. Boutella is a fantastic physical actress and she owns this role as The Mummy. She's far more formidable than Arnold Vosloo ever was in the 90's Mummy films. Also, for note, this reimagining of The Mummy is not in any way connected to Brendan Fraser and his Mummy films. That being said, it's never a good sign when you're craving for Brendan Fraser to come back in the hopes of saving this film. Alas, it doesn't happen. The Mummy throwdowns are cool, when they happen, but the most odd and needless of them all, is a fight between Nick and Russell Crowe's character. For those that don't know, Crowe plays Henry Jekyll, leader of the Prodigium task force, a SHIELD-like organisation that intervenes in events that involve gods and monsters. They set up that Crowe and his taskforce will be the connective tissue that holds this universe together. It's a clever decision and their mythology is interesting but Crowe's performance is of two halves. As Jekyll, he's fine. Informative, classy and a cool addition. However, when there's Jekyll, there must be a Hyde and it's when Crowe becomes Hyde, that his character turns into a laughing stock. Instead of transforming into this hideous and frightening monster, Hyde is revealed to be an extreme interpretation of Danny Dyer. It's simply Crowe doing his best violent cockney impression.

It was at this point that they regretted flying with Ryanair.

On a more positive note, aside from the bizarre punch-up between Nick and Hyde, the action sequences are without flaw. The CGI is impressive and the stunts, especially the zero gravity plane crash, are well performed. Unfortunately, and this is The Mummy's biggest problem, it doesn't suit what they're trying to achieve. The Dark Universe have been priding themselves on bringing these classic HORROR characters back to life on the big screen. Characters like The Mummy, Frankenstein's monster, The Invisible Man and other such monsters are all EVIL or HORROR CHARACTERS. The thing about those films which made them so unique when they were released back in the early 30s and 40s, was the horror tone of it all. Sure, when we re-watch them now, they hardly seem that spine-chillingly scary, but back then, those films were revolutionary. It would have been such a cool idea to transform these characters and give them a new design  and fresh horror angle taken upon them. Sadly, the studio hasn't got a clue what it's doing and saddles it with the most generic and basic action elements. The most annoying part about it is, that director Alex Kurtzman, has made a film that has elements of horror inside of it (an example being a interesting underwater sequence in which The Mummy comes from every angle). Those parts actually had me intrigued and I'd wager that if the film stuck to that tone, it would have been more successful. But, as usual, the studio solely want to cash in on big names, big effects and aim for a big profit rather than think through what this universe is going to be like. After watching The Mummy, I'm now concerned as to how this universe will progress. Johnny Depp as The Invisible Man facing end of the world stakes doesn't seem feasible but, if their opening to this universe is anything to go by, they'll find a way somehow no matter how illogical it seems.

It wouldn't be a Tom Cruise film if he didn't run at least once.

If anything, I'm more disappointed than angry with The Mummy. There is so much promise about this film. The cast is chock-a-block with A-list talent and features a terrific interpretation of The Mummy herself. Frustratingly, this becomes The Tom Cruise Show as the film sets up what his role will be in the universe rather than treat us to the movie we were wanting. Quite frankly, The Mummy, much like the titular character, should have stayed buried.

My Verdict: 4.5/10

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