The Hitman's Bodyguard - movie review
The Hitman's Bodyguard
Plot: The world's top bodyguard gets a new client, a hit man who must testify at the International Court of Justice. They must put their differences aside and work together to make it to the trial on time.
Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Gary Oldman
Director: Patrick Hughes
Certificate: 15 (strong language, bloody violence)
Runtime: 1hr 58 mins
Release Date: Thursday 17th August 2017
In my eyes, there are four things that you can always rely on in this world. 1) If you constantly deny that something will happen, odds are that you will be proven wrong. 2) Keanu Reeves will never age. 3) McDonald's will always give you ice in your drinks. Even if you ask them not to. And finally, 4) Ryan Reynolds will always give a good performance no matter how terrible the film is. Obviously, the fourth statement is the most applicable to this review because The Hitman's Bodyguard is exactly that. This is not a good film. In fact, if it weren't for some performances that made the whole experience bearable, I would imagine this would come close to featuring on my least favourite films of the year. The premise of the film is ludicrously simple; Ryan Reynolds plays a professional protection agent (glorified bodyguard) and, after a series of unfortunate events, is tasked with protecting long time enemy, Samuel L. Jackson, an experienced hitman. Jackson is being hunted from all angles after he is the last chance to put away Gary Oldman's sinister Eastern European dictator. So, Reynolds must escort Jackson to the Netherlands to testify. That's The Hitman's Bodyguard in a nutshell. You know, for a plot that needlessly complex, the result is astonishingly simple and generic. It gives me no joy to say that The Hitman's Bodyguard is a film that most of you would have seen the likes of time and time again.
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| Deadpool wasn't taking his rejection from The Avengers very well. |
It's the film's inability to try that really grinds my gears. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a film treading on basic ground and playing the safe game so long as it delivers tenfold. For The Hitman's Bodyguard, it's the definition of playing it safe but even then, it struggles to execute that effectively. Patrick Hughes is one of those directors who clearly has no trouble shooting an action scene or two but when it comes to storytelling, that's when his Achilles heel begins to show. But that's ok. It's not like storytelling is a key aspect of filmmaking... His previous films have included The Expendables 3 and...wait...no...that's it. I'm not one to be a Debbie Downer but the director of Expendables 3 was never going to give us the summer blockbuster of the year no matter who was attached. The Hitman's Bodyguard simply settles for mediocrity and never strives for more. Everything in this film, and I do mean everything, has been done in plenty of other films and executed far better so, whilst watching The Hitman's Bodyguard, you have to wonder what the point even was. Breaking the film down to its core component parts, what we end up with is a buddy cop (or in this instance, bodyguard/hitman) adventure as they aim to get from point A to point B to stop an evil man in power, all the while being chased by mercenaries and law enforcement. Oh, and there's a double agent thrown in for good measure. No joke, it is like Patrick Hughes and his scriptwriter, Tom O'Connor, read the handbook on how to make the blandest and most uninspired action film imaginable. Nothing about this story felt fresh or even the slightest bit engrossing. From watching the opening five minutes alone, I could have written the rest of the script with my eyes closed and I'd imagine that my completed script would be about 90% accurate. The other problem that The Hitman's Bodyguard runs into is the pacing. Considering that my investment wasn't never at maximum for any part of this film, the two hours really began to drag. Gigantic portions of this film could have been removed entirely and who knows, this review may be far more positive. For example, as great as Elodie Yung is as Elektra in the Marvel/Netflix shows and as much as I liked her performance in this film, her entire character and arc is pointless. There's this whole inner conspiracy twist that you can see coming a mile off and from that point onwards, she's only really there for Ryan Reynolds' character to confess his love for. We already have the unique relationship between Jackson and Salma Hayek and so, whenever the film switched to Reynolds and Yung, my watch quickly became the more interesting thing to look at.
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| Samuel L. Jackson upon being asked to appear in Snakes On A Plane 2. |
FACT: Samuel L. Jackson spoke a hundred and twenty two expletives throughout the running time.
Perhaps I'm being too harsh on the film. Sure, the story may be in tatters and feel far too long but as I said in my introduction, light can be found at the end of the tunnel or in this case, light can be found emanating from the leads. By casting Deadpool and Nick Fury together, sparks were sure to fly and due to Reynolds and Jackson clearly having some great chemistry, the film is saved from turmoil. Both stars work well together but I just hoped that we could see them in better circumstances. Ryan Reynolds is being his usual wisecracking self but something did feel like it was missing. In most of his films, it's no secret that Reynolds enjoys his fair share of improvising but for The Hitman's Bodyguard, either he didn't feel the need to improvise or was told not to but nevertheless, that special hint of Reynolds wit that makes him one of my favourite Hollywood stars, was sorely missed. His character of Michael Bryce won't be one of his roles that will be long remembered. As for his co-star, Samuel L. Jackson is really trying to make something of this role. Darius Kincade doesn't necessarily feel like a fully fleshed out character but more like Jackson doing a stereotypical impression of himself. For the first half of the film, it was played out in a tongue in cheek manner that provided some well earned laughs. As the film went on, that humour then slipped into a drawn out joke that gradually decreased in comedic value. What never seemed to diminish was the chemistry between Reynolds and Jackson because that was the main source of entertainment one could find in this. The only downside to Jackson's character comes in the form of his wife, Salma Hayek. This is where I begin to think that The Hitman's Bodyguard was secretly written by a fourteen year old boy who filled every other line of dialogue with curse words likely culminating in 'motherfucker'. I understand that it's a clear staple of Jackson's stereotype but when others adopt it, like Hayek, it plays out like an immature schoolboy let loose on the typewriter as he lives out his fantasies on the page. The funny thing is, considering how obvious the film is aiming for a teen audience, with it being rated 15, half of them can't even see it. What this film boils down to is a heap of wasted potential and that is even more prevalent when discussing Gary Oldman's role in this. Yet again, Oldman is saddled with another sinister Eastern European madman who will stop at nothing to cause worldwide chaos. Unfortunately for him, his role starts off quite promising as he commits some truly awful atrocities yet as soon as the movie senses our interest in him, Oldman is swiped away for the rest of the runtime until he briefly reappears for the third act.
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| Bumping into an old one night stand is always awkward. |
The Hitman's Bodyguard is one of those films that, when you look at it all on paper, it should have been a recipe for success. Sadly, the end result proves that all of the hope going into this film was a misplaced pipe dream. Parts of the film show promise, such as the leads chemistry, the infrequent but absurd humour and the competently filmed action sequences. On the other hand, those positives are bogged down by the slow pacing, unoriginal plot and an almost infantile script.
My Verdict: 5.5/10
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