xXx: Return Of Xander Cage - movie review
xXx: Return Of Xander Cage
Plot: Xander Cage is left for dead after an incident, though he secretly returns to action for a new, tough assignment with his handler Augustus Gibbons.
Cast: Vin Diesel, Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone
Director: D.J. Caruso
Certificate: 12A (moderate action violence, sex references)
Runtime: 1hr 47 mins
Release Date: Thursday 19th January 2017
No, it's not a porno. It may have the ludicrous title and hilarious character names that could insinuate a link to a porno but trust me, it really isn't. Instead, for a reason I genuinely am clueless too, a third xXx film has been made. As far as most Hollywood franchises are concerned, ones that needed a sequel such as Dredd, Zombieland and Wanted are always overlooked but alas, we get one about adrenaline junkies who are chosen to become secret agents and save the world. Look, the first xXx was okay. It was dumb fun that never took itself seriously. The second xXx, with Ice Cube replacing Vin Diesel, was less entertaining and it took itself too seriously. So which side of the fence did the third xXx film fall?
I'm not saying that Vin Diesel has a large ego or anything along those lines but when a significant portion of this film is simply girls swooning over him in a manner more ridiculous than Bond, his modesty does come into question. xXx 3 merely serves as another big action flick for Diesel to headline so he can have a break from the wheel of a car and constantly referencing 'FAMILY'. In total honesty, Diesel isn't bad in this role, in fact, he's pretty damn good. It's nice to see him return to a role that helped launch him into the star he's become today. He spends the majority of the runtime either swaggering along in his fur coat or doing the most unrealistic stunts with the aid of CGI so there isn't much acting to be done. My only issue with Diesel is that Xander Cage has a tendency to spout these one-liners. Unfortunately, Diesel doesn't have the knack for comedic timing so his little jokes rarely work. Behind Diesel is quite an extensive cast and kicking off the supporting characters is Donnie Yen. Sadly, there is no "I'm one with the force. The force is with me" so we're left with Donnie Yen just being Donnie Yen in a Hawaiian shirt and there is nothing wrong with that. Even though his character is poorly written and his involvement in the story is muddled (as is the entire plot) when the action sequences come and there are plenty, Yen shines. No need for a stunt double, Yen is obviously the best part of this film. This film also serves as the first English-language film debut for Deepika Padukone, who apart from being beautiful (as are all the women in this film) handles herself when the shootouts come. Her acting doesn't leave much to be desired but let's face it, this movie was never asking for star-making performances. Deepika spends most of her time in tight leather jumpsuits with a gun in one hand and a knife in another. It isn't exactly Cannes film festival material is it?
In the film, Xander is tasked with forming a team to stop the bad guys. Ruby Rose is hired because of her extreme sniping skills and Rose is a welcome addition. Rory McCann is hired because of his ability to drive like a maniac and that just about makes sense but seeing as he's also The Hound from Game Of Thrones I can make an exception. However, one addition that I really just don't understand was Kris Wu who plays Nicks. What is his speciality? He's a DJ who helps create distractions. No combat experience. No weapons expert. He just likes partying and apparently that makes him a vital crew member to save the planet. The film may be incredibly dumb and lots of guilty fun, but this is inexcusably ridiculous. Speaking of inexcusable ridiculousness, Hollywood still are dumbfounded of what Tony Jaa can actually do. I like the film but I abhorred every time Jaa appeared on screen. If he's not yodelling like a Comanche warrior, he's doing this weird hand signal every time he has a big moment. What are you doing? Stop it! Just stop it now! Moving back to the positives, xXx 3 also stars Nina Dobrev as a geeky technician who acts like Q with social anxiety but a million times prettier. I think I'm in love. She's bumbling and awkward, which may comes as annoying for some but for me personally, I thought she was adorable and made for this innocent character in a world full of insane action. Samuel L. Jackson does appear in this film but he has a whopping...(wait for it)...TWO SCENES. Both scenes are shared with Neymar Jr. Yes, the Brazilian footballer. Still expecting a cinematic tour de force? Taking over Jackson's role is Toni Collette who doesn't exactly bring anything new to the idea of a secret agency boss but she's the typical no nonsense, cold bitch that gets the job done. However, in every scene she's in, Collette is constantly pouting. It's not even subtle. She pouts like the whole film is a photoshoot.
FACT: Donnie Yen replaced Jet Li for the role of Xiang after Li dropped out for undisclosed reasons.
I'm beginning to sound like a broken record here but the one thing that all of the xXx films have in common is that they are wildly inaccurate, hopelessly idiotic and unbelievably dumb. That being said, the first one and this third entry are ultimately fun and enjoyable as long as you leave your brain and all sense at the door. Here's the plot of xXx: Return Of Xander Cage and I promise you that I'm making none of this up. Xander Cage returns from the 'dead' and has to form his own crew to stop a mysterious group from crashing satellites into large cities. Crashing satellites. Even the camp 80's Bond films would look at that plot and be like "That's too far". Taking all of that into consideration though and regarding the actual execution of the plot, it never crosses that line into hatred or atrocity. Instead, it treads very carefully on a high level of cheesiness. One of the biggest positives about all of the xXx films (even the disappointing sequel) is that pace is handled well and hardly ever drags. In this third film, it follows a very basic structure with an action scene then a story focused scene and then another action scene followed by yet another scene attempting to develop the story. The cycle goes on and on until the credits roll. Dialogue is a considerable problem with the film. It's very cookie-cutter and basic but best/worst of all, is that xXx 3 takes every plot point, storyline and cheesy dialogue from all existing spy films. Unless it's Xander jumping out of an exploding plane, everything in this film has been seen before. On the topic of action, the fight sequences in this film are easily the biggest highlight. In an instance like this, I would rather this film have well directed action sequences and sacrifice the story elements. Obviously in an ideal world, I'd prefer to have both but the xXx franchise seemingly can only do one thing at a time. Clearly, Donnie Yen is the expert in every fight scene he stars in but, to be really nitpicky, he was a tad underutilised. However, watching Yen kick various heads in and surf on a motorcycle (still hoping for believability?) is always fun to watch. And that's what xXx 3 is in a nutshell. Fun to watch.
If you aren't a fan of the previous two films then I highly doubt that the third entry will win you over. My biggest piece of advice that I could give is please, do not take this film seriously because the actors and director clearly do not. Instead, they have made a film that aims to entertain for a couple of hours and personally, that they did. Diesel continues to star in roles where he gets to be with unbelievably hot girls and feature in the most insane action scenes but whereas he managed to re- kick-start The Fast & Furious franchise, xXx 3 might just be a one and done.
My Verdict: 7/10
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