The Boy - movie review

The Boy

Plot: An American nanny is shocked that her new English family's boy is actually a life-sized doll. After she violates a list of strict rules, disturbing events make her believe that the doll is really alive.
Cast: Lauren Cohan, Rupert Evans, James Russell
Director: William Brent Bell
Rating: 15
Runtime: 1hr 37 mins
Release Date: Friday 18th March 2016

There are so many times when I enjoy watching a movie. And then there are times when I despise watching a movie. The Boy falls into neither of these categories. Instead, it joins a list of films that I actively hate. What could have been a small and effective thriller not only succumbs to the boring and generic style of horror that Hollywood now forces down our throats every other week but also falls victim to every single aspect of it being terrible. I have seen some crappy horror films in my time, but The Boy certainly ranks very highly on that list.

Star of The Walking Dead, Lauren Cohan, is attempting to have her breakout cinematic role to solidify her career when the show eventually ends. If this is what she is choosing to do after the culmination of the series, then Cohan really needs to sort out her priorities. There isn't a single shred of evidence present here from her performance, that convinces me that she can hold a movie together. Everything she does and says is so basic and emotionless. It was almost if Cohan had been told by the director to say each and every line without a single shred of emotion and void of compassion. Her character was incredibly unlikeable to the point where I was rooting for 'The Boy' to just succeed. How on Earth are we meant to support a character when she is like a robot for half of it and then unbelievably stupid for the other half? I'm not being funny but if this whole situation regarding a possible possessed doll happened to anyone sane, then we would have the common sense to run away as soon as possible. But of course, we can't have that, so what was the excuse given to make her stay? She needs the money. So apparently, the audience are meant to believe that she values a mediocre sum of money more than her life. I'm sorry but this is just karma for her lack of common sense. Anyway, Cohan is awful. This leaves a massive stain on her chance for a perfect career in Hollywood and she should just hope and pray that her character is written out of The Walking Dead anytime soon. Supporting Cohan in this injustice of film, is Rupert Evans as (guess what?) a possible love interest, because what this film needed was another generic horror trope to keep her to stay. His acting is so astonishingly wooden, I actually wondered how he got the role. If the casting directors had come to this decision, I would hate to see who they rejected. I never felt a single ounce of worry or care for his character. Evans felt obnoxious in the role and if you were to remove his character from the film, it may have been slightly more bearable. Only slightly. It would have also reduced the film down to about forty minutes, so, every cloud. But the two actors that deliver the best yet worst performances are the parents of 'The Boy'. Every single word that left their mouth either had me in stitches because of how awfully it was performed or I was holding my head in my hands due to the sheer pain of listening to them mumble and moan. They provided unintentionally hilarious performances but I can't exactly reward the film for their inability to act. It may seem harsh but it was a joyous feeling whenever they were not on camera. I wouldn't have minded that much if the film took itself less seriously but The Boy is 100% convinced that it is a very grounded and profound movie.

With bad performances, The Boy could have possibly redeemed itself with an effective story. Fat chance of that. Due to myself watching various films a year, I usually allow myself a time to just stop watching and leave. Yes, it would be a waste of money but the likelihood would be that I would have a more enjoyable time not watching that film. Unfortunately, I didn't use my free pass for The Boy even though I wish I had. I had to suffer and face agony unlike anything I've seen before. Originality obviously has never been a concept for Brent Bell to use in his films. The Boy bored me to tears for the majority of the runtime and had me checking my watch constantly. There were so many stupid moments that had me wanting to hide away that I actually feel ashamed to have seen this film. It's like I've committed a crime that I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. Certain motives for characters are revealed as well as twists and they all culminate in a terrible ending. I was having trouble getting through the first two acts of the film but as soon as the ending reared its ugly head, I was tempted to just give up. The worst problem was that when the twist is explained, the rest of the movie makes no sense. Not in the slightest. The director may as well have just written 'Sod It' across the screen and that would have been significantly better than this garbage-filled mess of an ending. The Boy is never scary either. Chucky proved that a doll can have sinister qualities but 'The Boy' here just looks awful. He looked like an antique and the rules that Cohan's character had to follow are laughably ridiculous. I'm pretty sure that lobotomies have more entertainment value than this.

To summarise, The Boy is a huge crapfest of a film that should never have been made. There is not a single positive quality about it and I urge you not to support this film. Because it was made on a miniscule budget, if it were to even make a slight profit, then we'll probably get an unnecessary sequel. And if that happens, Hollywood needs a slap around the face.

My Verdict: 1.5/10

What did you think of The Boy? Have you ever wanted to leave a film halfway through? Post your comments below.

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